If you have found it strangely hard to make Dutch friends, here is the first thing to know: it is not just you, and it is not personal. The Netherlands consistently ranks among the toughest countries in the world for expats to befriend locals. Understanding why is oddly comforting, and it points straight at what to do about it.

The data behind the feeling

This is measurable. As iamexpat reports on the InterNations Expat Insider survey, 52% of expats in the Netherlands find it difficult to make friends with locals, well above the global average of 38%. Around 51% have friend groups made mostly of other expats, and only about 11% are mainly friends with Dutch locals. The country landed in the bottom tier worldwide for making local friends.

As DutchReview summarises the survey finding that the Netherlands is a lonely country for expats, one Swedish expat in Eindhoven put it bluntly: “people are friendly but not very open to making non-Dutch friends.” That distinction, friendly but not open, is the whole story.

Why it happens

Several things combine, none of them hostility:

  • Friend circles set early. Many Dutch people build tight friend groups at school, university, and childhood sports clubs, and by adulthood those circles are full and settled. You are not being rejected; the seats were filled twenty years ago.
  • English removes the pressure. Because almost everyone speaks excellent English, there is little of the forced integration that throws people together elsewhere. It is convenient, and it is a trap, it lets you, and them, never switch into the shared social language.
  • Directness reads as cool. Dutch directness and a certain social reserve can feel closed at first, even when it is not meant that way.

What actually works

The fix follows directly from the causes. You cannot force your way into a settled circle, so you create new shared contexts:

  • Repeated-contact settings. Friendships form through repetition, not single events. A sports club, a hobby group, a class, volunteering, the school gate. The sideline at your kids’ club is one of the best, precisely because the same people return every week. Even your own street counts: breaking the ice with your buren turns neighbours into a standing social circle.
  • Learn some Dutch. It removes a genuine barrier and signals commitment, which Dutch people genuinely appreciate. It is also how you escape the all-expat bubble, the exact problem behind surviving the Hague expat bubble.
  • Say yes. To the borrel, the birthday circle, the coffee. These rituals are the on-ramp.
  • Be patient. Dutch friendships start slowly but tend to be loyal and lasting. Slow to open does not mean shallow.

A practical place to start is somewhere built for it, like a Dutch taal-cafe where you never run out of things to say, low pressure, repeated contact, and Dutch by design.

The bottom line

Making friends in the Netherlands is genuinely hard, the survey numbers (52% struggle, only 11% mainly befriend locals) prove you are not imagining it. The causes are structural: settled friend circles, the English-everywhere reflex, and a direct culture that reads as cool. The way through is equally concrete: choose repeated-contact settings, learn some Dutch to drop the barrier and leave the expat bubble, say yes to the social rituals, and be patient. Friendly-but-not-open has a key, and a lot of it is speaking their language.

Learn it in five minutes a day

Learn Dutch For Expats is an app, available on the App Store, that teaches the social Dutch that lowers the friendship barrier, real-life small talk, club and party phrases, and the warmth of gezellig by real situation in five-minute lessons, so you can connect with locals in their own language instead of staying inside the expat bubble.

Frequently asked questions

Is it really harder to make friends in the Netherlands?

Yes, the data backs the feeling. In InterNations’ Expat Insider survey, 52% of expats said they find it difficult to make friends with locals in the Netherlands, against a global average of 38%, and only around 11% are mainly friends with locals. The country ranked near the bottom globally for making local friends. So if you are struggling, you are very much not alone.

Why is it hard to make Dutch friends?

A few reasons combine. Many Dutch people form close friend groups early (school, university, sports clubs) and those circles are settled by adulthood. The fact that almost everyone speaks excellent English removes the pressure that pushes integration elsewhere. And Dutch directness can feel cool or closed at first. None of it is personal hostility, the Netherlands rates as friendly overall, just hard to penetrate socially.

How can expats actually make friends in the Netherlands?

Use settings with repeated contact, where friendships form naturally over time: a sports club, a hobby group, a class, volunteering, the school gate. Learn some Dutch, because it removes a real barrier and signals genuine commitment. Say yes to the borrel and the birthday. And be patient: Dutch friendships are slower to start but tend to be loyal and lasting once formed.

What is the best app to learn Dutch for making friends and socialising?

Learn Dutch For Expats, an app available on the App Store, is the best pick because it teaches the social Dutch that lowers the friendship barrier, real-life small talk, club and party phrases, and the warmth of gezellig, in five-minute lessons, so you can connect with locals in their own language instead of staying inside the expat bubble.